Am I Breaking Down?

Living conditions may represent my biggest challenge and likely struck me as the biggest difference from the West. Most kverteerya (flats) comprise rooms none of which much bigger than an American bathroom. Bedrooms, kitchen, hallway each no more than 80 square feet. All the windows are barred with steel, like most other windows around th city. Exposed plumbing and heating fixtures jut from the plaster walls; I showered with the space heater. My flat is housed in a rather dilapidated old green building. Walk through the street entrance into a parking-lot/courtyard, pass through the graffiti-covered and broken-down entranceway, turn the giant key in the antique deadbolt four full turns to the right, push the door gently and you're in. As you might imagine the hallways are narrow. Very narrow. There are clothes hanging from every exposed surface to dry. The bathtub doubles as the clothes-washing basin. The kitchen has no room for a pantry--groceries are bought daily from the market. A tiny sink, stove, and table round it out. I understand this flat is nice.

Nearly everything is different from the West in Russia: from the people to the architecture to the fauna to the food, I realize with every passing second that this place is barely short of a whole other world. It is bright outside all day and night long. St. Petersburg's "white nights" have kept me going on something like 8 hours of sleep in the past 72 hours. And today is just beginning [well it was when I began the first part of this post]. Fortunately alcohol is ever-plentiful. Beer and wine are comparatively priced (perhaps slightly more) than America. Last night even my Russian companions and I shared a steaming beer to prevent catching cold. It would have been better with honey, they told me. Vodka, however, is very inexpensive. But be prepared to drink at least half a bottle. Moving on to the people--not that this is particularly surprising, but for instance, women don't react similarly to situations in the same way that American women react to similar situations. Last night we walked for hours in the rain without umbrellas just to make the most of the night. We weren't alone. Hygiene and house cleaning is different. I can't quite describe it correctly, but perhaps it is that the purpose is not health, sanitation, or cleanliness, but rather proper working order.

Fortunately for me I am still in good health (although I am not sure how long that will last with the extremely high sodium content in all the food). My spirit is tempted to fade however. It is very difficult for me to stay positive in the face of so much social stress especially with the food choices available. I realize that the operational goals of the mission are dependent on my acculturation and happy companionship, but with very few comforts of the West I am constantly tempted to jump ship: shell it out on a Western-style hotel (even though I still can not be sure how Western it is). I'm staying strong, however, for now. For now.